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Old 12-01-2012  
Abana
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Default Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D

Happy moms mean happy babies. Pregnancy can be very stressful, regardless if it's a painful one or not. Clean or toilet humors are accepted! Having a good laugh is the goal of this thread. But offensive messages on specific members isn't. Think before posting dears. Let's all LOL!

Last edited by Moderator; 01-02-2013 at 06:10 PM.
 
Old 12-01-2012  
Abana
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Default Re: Jokes

Low self-esteem

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

 
Old 12-01-2012  
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Default Re: Jokes

Hey Abana, I'm really LMAO!!! I can't believe we do also have those "psychiatrist" moments...
 
Old 12-01-2012  
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Default Dalinda is a blonde girl, but I'm not dumb!!!! :)

Guess who knows the state capitals?

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She

proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
 
Old 12-04-2012  
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Default car joke: long but worth it

JOKES ON CARS

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep.

It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".

The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."

"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.

The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure" replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast!

The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.

Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped!

Couldn't be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!

WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.

The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!"
 
Old 12-17-2012  
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Default Re: Jokes

Lengthy but so worthy of a good laugh!
 
Old 12-20-2012  
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Default Pregnant Woman Gets on the Bus

A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.

She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then you sat under an ad that read 'Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read 'William's Stick Did the Trick.' And I just couldn't hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.'"

LOL
 
Old 12-27-2012  
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Default Re: Jokes

Hahahaha. But if I'm that lady, I've surely slapped that guy on the face on that instance!
 
Old 12-30-2012  
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Default Re: Pregnant Woman Gets on the Bus

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abana View Post
A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.

She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then you sat under an ad that read 'Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read 'William's Stick Did the Trick.' And I just couldn't hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.'"

LOL
OMG... I seriouslly cannot stop laughing with this one! L O L
 
Old 01-02-2013  
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Default Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D

Haha, LOL!! Had a good laugh!
 
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