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Abana 12-01-2012 06:34 PM

Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Happy moms mean happy babies. Pregnancy can be very stressful, regardless if it's a painful one or not. Clean or toilet humors are accepted! Having a good laugh is the goal of this thread. But offensive messages on specific members isn't. Think before posting dears. Let's all LOL! :D

Abana 12-01-2012 06:38 PM

Re: Jokes
 
Low self-esteem

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

;)

Dalinda 12-01-2012 08:06 PM

Re: Jokes
 
Hey Abana, I'm really LMAO!!! I can't believe we do also have those "psychiatrist" moments...

Dalinda 12-01-2012 08:07 PM

Dalinda is a blonde girl, but I'm not dumb!!!! :)
 
Guess who knows the state capitals?

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She

proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

Baha 12-04-2012 01:11 AM

car joke: long but worth it
 
JOKES ON CARS

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep.

It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".

The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."

"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.

The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure" replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast!

The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.

Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped!

Couldn't be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!

WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.

The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!"

Idalia 12-17-2012 01:28 AM

Re: Jokes
 
Lengthy but so worthy of a good laugh! :D:D

Abana 12-20-2012 05:53 PM

Pregnant Woman Gets on the Bus
 
A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.

She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then you sat under an ad that read 'Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read 'William's Stick Did the Trick.' And I just couldn't hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.'"

LOL

Gaetana 12-27-2012 09:36 PM

Re: Jokes
 
Hahahaha. But if I'm that lady, I've surely slapped that guy on the face on that instance! :D

Abigail 12-30-2012 05:51 AM

Re: Pregnant Woman Gets on the Bus
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Abana (Post 791)
A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.

She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then you sat under an ad that read 'Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read 'William's Stick Did the Trick.' And I just couldn't hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.'"

LOL

OMG... I seriouslly cannot stop laughing with this one! L O L :D

Cadelaria 01-02-2013 09:45 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Haha, LOL!! Had a good laugh! :D:D

Fanny 01-19-2013 10:13 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
What a bloody funny story! LOL!

Idalia 01-24-2013 11:17 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
My father and stepmother knew that my baby brother was going
to have to be born by Caesarean. Nonetheless, flush with parental
enthusiasm, they decided that Dad was to take photos of the event.
The roll of film was duly taken and sent off to be processed,
however when we got the little package back we found it to be full
of someone's holiday snaps. There had been a mix-up and someone
else was, at that very moment, finding photos of an operation
instead of beaches and smiling faces...

When the developers arranged a swap they told us the other people
had been "very upset".

:D

Abana 01-27-2013 06:01 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Idalia (Post 1616)
My father and stepmother knew that my baby brother was going
to have to be born by Caesarean. Nonetheless, flush with parental
enthusiasm, they decided that Dad was to take photos of the event.
The roll of film was duly taken and sent off to be processed,
however when we got the little package back we found it to be full
of someone's holiday snaps. There had been a mix-up and someone
else was, at that very moment, finding photos of an operation
instead of beaches and smiling faces...

When the developers arranged a swap they told us the other people
had been "very upset".

:D

Who wouldn't be upset with that? LOL! Had a real, good laugh!

Dalinda 01-27-2013 08:40 AM

Re: Pregnant Woman Gets on the Bus
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Abana (Post 791)
A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.

She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then you sat under an ad that read 'Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read 'William's Stick Did the Trick.' And I just couldn't hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.'"

LOL


You got me in there! LOL!!


@ Baha- What the..? Hahahaha!

Dalinda 01-27-2013 08:41 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Idalia (Post 1616)
My father and stepmother knew that my baby brother was going
to have to be born by Caesarean. Nonetheless, flush with parental
enthusiasm, they decided that Dad was to take photos of the event.
The roll of film was duly taken and sent off to be processed,
however when we got the little package back we found it to be full
of someone's holiday snaps. There had been a mix-up and someone
else was, at that very moment, finding photos of an operation
instead of beaches and smiling faces...

When the developers arranged a swap they told us the other people
had been "very upset".

:D

I'm so having a printer at home to avoid this! LOL

Baha 01-27-2013 10:18 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Oh boy, tears of joy.... LOL

Abigail 01-31-2013 07:23 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
QUESTION

I normally wear a size 34 C-bra. Now that I'm pregnant, should I stop wearing a bra?

ANSWER
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Only if you don't mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.

*I know it's lame. ha! :p

Cailyn 01-31-2013 07:51 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Idalia (Post 1616)
My father and stepmother knew that my baby brother was going
to have to be born by Caesarean. Nonetheless, flush with parental
enthusiasm, they decided that Dad was to take photos of the event.
The roll of film was duly taken and sent off to be processed,
however when we got the little package back we found it to be full
of someone's holiday snaps. There had been a mix-up and someone
else was, at that very moment, finding photos of an operation
instead of beaches and smiling faces...

When the developers arranged a swap they told us the other people
had been "very upset".

:D

LOL! There must be a note saying: this is what's gonna happen 9months after that beach holiday! :p

Adalira 01-31-2013 06:28 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
@Idalia - It's amazing how a story of negligence led to a funny story like this! Hahaha :D
@ Abigail - LOL! :D

Halia 02-05-2013 06:51 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
@ Abigail - That's not lame! Now I'm thinking twice whether to breastfeed or not! :confused:

@ Idalia - OMG! As in Oh my God! Humiliation, here they come!

Idalia 02-07-2013 06:06 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Bloody glad too that y'all got a good laugh coz I myself did. :D Cheers!

Adalira 02-12-2013 12:56 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
A pregnant woman visits the clinic for a check up. “Will the baby’s father be attending the birth?” asks the midwife “I doubt it “ replies the lady. “He and my husband don’t get on very well”

:D

Edda 02-13-2013 06:34 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Adalira (Post 2032)
A pregnant woman visits the clinic for a check up. “Will the baby’s father be attending the birth?” asks the midwife “I doubt it “ replies the lady. “He and my husband don’t get on very well”

:D

Fishies do get caught by the mouth. LOL!

Fanny 02-14-2013 11:24 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Edda (Post 2057)
Fishies do get caught by the mouth. LOL!

Can't help but agree. LOL!

Fabiola 02-16-2013 09:16 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Adalira (Post 2032)
A pregnant woman visits the clinic for a check up. “Will the baby’s father be attending the birth?” asks the midwife “I doubt it “ replies the lady. “He and my husband don’t get on very well”

:D

Oh my... T_T ahahahah! It's sooo bad it's funny!

Gaetana 02-19-2013 09:57 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Adalira (Post 2032)
A pregnant woman visits the clinic for a check up. “Will the baby’s father be attending the birth?” asks the midwife “I doubt it “ replies the lady. “He and my husband don’t get on very well”

:D

LOLing!! Now she gets caught up with her own words. :D

Halia 02-21-2013 09:53 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
http://media-cache-ec5.pinterest.com...6b3bbfacbb.jpg

source

Idalia 02-22-2013 11:03 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
LOL! Almost fell off my seat reading that. Good job for sharing Halia. :D
Bloody true!

Abana 02-23-2013 12:46 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Funny and true!! LOL!!! And the 4th one gave me the giggles... :D

Fabiola 02-23-2013 11:22 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Halia (Post 2168)

LOL. This is so funny! And so true too! I still have weight to lose and I don't even have time to jog!

Gemma 02-27-2013 06:31 AM

Re: Dalinda is a blonde girl, but I'm not dumb!!!! :)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dalinda (Post 536)
Guess who knows the state capitals?

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She

proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

Oh my! Perhaps you will call me bad but I really find blonde jokes funny :D And this one made me LOL

Cadelaria 03-01-2013 12:29 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
As always, these jokes make my day! :D

Adalira 03-02-2013 12:01 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
ROFL to number 6! :D

Edda 03-02-2013 01:20 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
The third one made me contemplate then laugh off to my heart's content! :D

Gaetana 03-07-2013 10:00 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fabiola (Post 2228)
LOL. This is so funny! And so true too! I still have weight to lose and I don't even have time to jog!

Fantastic post! So funny yet so real! :D

Daja 03-09-2013 05:18 AM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Halia (Post 2168)

I had a good laugh with this one! Pregnancy = glowing (movies) = sweating (real life) :P

Idalia 03-10-2013 01:14 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Hey Fabiola you're absolutely right! Those on the left side are oftentimes heard on movies. But I do get to hear those personally, and now that I've seen this post, I'm not sure if I'd still believe them or not! :p

Abana 03-10-2013 02:57 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Idalia (Post 2456)
Hey Fabiola you're absolutely right! Those on the left side are oftentimes heard on movies. But I do get to hear those personally, and now that I've seen this post, I'm not sure if I'd still believe them or not! :p

I second to that! But we all know that people oftentimes love to say great and kind words to expecting moms, right? So let's just give them the benefit of the doubt and laught at these funny realities.

Cadelaria 03-10-2013 04:23 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
You got it Abana! Now we know what to believe on and also what to say to our preggy friends , LOL! Let's all be nice! And I admit, that's hard sometimes. :p

Edda 03-13-2013 09:16 PM

Re: Jokes for a happy pregnancy! :D
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadelaria (Post 2492)
You got it Abana! Now we know what to believe on and also what to say to our preggy friends , LOL! Let's all be nice! And I admit, that's hard sometimes. :p

Exactly! Now we know what to do! Haha ;)


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